1) I can say "Tim Salmon' 13 and a half times

2) Order two Hot Dogs and a Beer at the game, screw up the amount, and go back into my pocket fishing another buck in change.

3) "Connect 4"

4) Shave

5) Listen to Manfred Mann's Earth Band's extended version of "Blinded by the Light" up until the second time he sings "Cut loose like a deuce with a goose like Fleetwood Mac's Rumours in the night' or whatever he says. Bruce was tipsy when he wrote that song anyway.

6) Look up all my Dale Sveum rookie cards in Beckett and I've yet to see that cute little up arrow

7) Watch the first scene of my favorite gay midget porn "Before You Throw Me, Make Love to Me III".

8) I can go through my wife's purse again and wonder why she keeps those pictures that were originally in her wallet when she bought it

9) Join Columbia House and pick cds I can get good beer money for trading them in later because "I swear I never got them" the mail person did it

10) Rinse, Lather & Repeat, if necessary of course

11) Call my sister in Toledo and ask her to tell me that story again about how she almost met Duran Duran.

12) Foreplay

13) Any Minute Abs

14) Find the remote

15) Did I mention that in #4 I meant Shave my dog?

16) Take my hyper active niece miniature golfing at the "Golf War" for around 37 holes

17) Ponder the possibilities of Tae-Bo vs. Bo Duke

18) Watch Joe Charboneau's career

19) Try and spell "Kangaroo"

20) Build a time machine to go back to the exact time I wanted to build a time machine

21) Start Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon at the beginning of the movie D.C. Cab creating a soundtrack of Mr. T's every move. I think the movie was D.C. Cab?

22) Figure out how to use this damn Casio stopwatch

Sorry Mark but the only thing I can't do in that time is beat you to first base. Jealous, shmealous, I love you Markƒbut not that way. Go Cubs!!!

Phil Avalos is a pretty snappy gent in his own right. He was responsible for last issue's "The Baseball Trap" article, which caused a national manhunt and led to the arrest of two baseball-player impersonators. It was found that neither John Cangelosi nor Doug Dascenzo were either of themselves, and prosecution is underway.
He also plays in the band Sometimes Seven and is currently the only good thing about Indiana, including Andy Benes.