(We start at the Gold
Coast blackjack tables, where Nate returns from the restroom.)
NM: They've got the second worst bathroom in the country!
CM: Worse than CBGB's?
NM: No, that's number one.
CM: There is nothing worse.
NM: I'm doing a series of photos, actually, when I go out on tour called "Rock
N' Roll Bathrooms". I just take pictures of all the worst bathrooms on the
tour.
CM: Sort of a coffee table book?
NM: Yeah, well, I would like to do it as a coffee table book. But I think,
for budget's sake I could just get multiple prints and sell them as a postcard
set.
CM: So do you follow the National League at all?
NM: I haven't really been following baseball so much lately...well, since the
'86 World Series.
CM: (laughing) Since Buckner?
NM: Billy Buckner ruined baseball for me; I...lost...my...shit. I was a Boston
fan.
CM: And all around the U.S., Little League coaches screamed: "You gotta get
the gate down!" So what made you a Boston fan, being from Bainbridge Island,
Washington?
NM: I don't...really know. I just really liked (long pause)...at this point
I don't even really remember; I just liked the Red Sox. I liked...that was
just the team I liked. I mean, I liked the Mariners, you know, 'cause they're
from Seattle.
But I hated the Mets.
CM: Oh yeah, well, Ray Knight. Wasn't Ray Knight reason enough?
NM: Well actually, Daryl Strawberry was a reason to like them. But I was...SO
pissed off. They woulda' won, if he'd have just fucking picked up that goddamn
ball! And I got so mad that I was unable to watch baseball for years.
CM:...Get outta here!
NM: No, I'm serious! It pissed me off SO much. I dunno why. I mean, I would
follow it a little bit, but I wouldn't watch it as much as I used to. I was
playing baseball still. I loved to play it. But when Buckner let the ball roll
through his legs...an old woman could've got that ball.
CM: And there were a lot of old women who screamed: "You gotta get the gate
down!"
NM: I was SO mad. I was SCREAMING at the television. My family...I'm not sure
if I was the only one rooting for the Sox; I think...at the time...my family
was not into the Red Sox because of that christian pitcher...uh, starts with
a "C"...So, everyone in my family hated the Red Sox 'cause they had this one
pitcher who was a big jerk.
(laughing)
NM: I loved the Red Sox, and I hated the MetsÐ
CM: Ðbut against the Mets how do you not love the Red Sox anyway?
NM: Of course, when it comes to the World Series I generally stick to leagues.
I'm an American League fan.
CM: Being from SeattleÐ
NM: Well, yeah. But, unless it's a team I really hate.
CM: ÐI know what you mean. I'd say I'm a National League guy, but not with
the Atlanta Braves. You just can't likeÐÐhow do you like the Atlanta Braves?
NM: Yeah, I know, they're just terrible. With that "Tomahawk Chop".
CM: Jeez, I hate that.
NM: Roger Clemens! That's the guy.
CM: Was he a Christian?
NM: I'm pretty damn sure.
CM: I just figured he was a Texan.
(laughing)
Which precludes any religion in and of itself.
NM: Oh yeah.
(after ordering another round)
CM: So when you played, what position did you play most?
NM: I played three positions. I played third base, centerfield, and catcher.
CM: Third base, wow. That's a tough position. Was that your skill position,
or did you just happen to get stuck there?
NM: No...I could throw pretty well. I was the kinda guy that would...get hit
in the face to block a ball. You know, I just...would stop balls. That's why
I was the catcher too. And I could throw. So I could make the throw from third
base, or from center field to home. So I was pretty fast, and I had the gun.
And I...I was the boss, you know? I'd go out there, and I'd take charge.
CM: Now this brings up a good point. There's an ongoing thing with this magazine
about how the positions on the diamond match up with the positions in a rock
band. For instance, some would say the catcher is the drummer, the bass player
is at first...center fielder is, uhh, lead guitar...depending on what the makeup
of the team is.
NM: No, see, I'd say the shortstop is the lead guitar player.
CM: SureÐ
NM: 'Cause he's like, the hotshot guy, And then, I'd say...well, yeah, the
drummer would be the catcherÐ'cause he's running the game. And then the pitcher
would be...the singer. And then lead guitar would be shortstop. Bass player
would probably be--maybe it's just, 'cause our bass player is really tall--so
he would be first base. And because he's running the game as well.
CM: He's the glue between the infield and the outfield.
NM: And he's gotta be stable. And then I'd say the rhythm guitar player would
probably be...well, I'd say center field.
CM: Well, some teams, they have the hotshot center fielder or the hotshot shortstop,
sometimes both.
NM: For me center field is more about picking up the slack for the right and
the left fielders. You gotta be able to beat those guys to the pockets. So
yeah, I think center field is a position with a fair amount of responsibility;
and I think a rhythm guitar player is kind of the same thing.
CM: And so if you think about it, the fact that Seattle was able get rid of
Griffey--
NM: Well I understand that he went to the team that his dad played on and everything,
but...I mean, he started as a Mariner, and he's been playing there for so many
years...that's his home team. And that's one thing I don't like about baseball
now.
CM: And even still, they will retire his number no matter what he did to them,
they will.
NM: That's true. I, I dunno, that's one thing that has disappointed me about
baseball. 'Cause like in the classic baseball years, there was "The Team".
And the team had its people, and it stayed the same. You know, like the Yankees
had famous teams.
CM: Well it's weird, 'cause like, we're West Coast guys, so like, honestly
that is something--in the grand scheme--that we'll never know. That year in,
year out team that stayed together for years. We're like post-'70s/'70s...I'm
San Diego Padres, you're Seattle Mariners...we have our Tony Gwynns and our
Ken Griffey Jr.s...but we didn't get the big Mickey Mantles and all that.
NM: Yeah, the Mickey Mantles, the Joe DiMaggios...
CM: So were you watching in '95 when the Mariners and the Yankees?
NM: Oh, I remember that series, yeah.
CM: That was one helluva series.
NM: Yeah, that was great. I followed that year because--
CM: --When I think of the Mariners, I think of that team. With Buhner, Martinez,
Griffey, Randy Johnson...li'l Joey Cora.
NM: Now see, he was great. I love that guy. They had a good team; they seemed
like they were friends, they played well together...you know, that's what a
baseball team is supposed to be like. Not like those nobodies...teams that
just have that one guy that's hits 100 home runs.
CM: So like the Cardinals. They have McGwire, and a bunch of guys, and pitchers
that can kinda get the ball over the plate. But they're faceless. Other than
him, there are no stars.
NM: And that fits into...back to the band members and the positions, like the
rhythm guitar player's never the star.
CM: Like second base would almost be rhythm guitar-like in that you're not
A'Rod or Nomar; almost the least skilled of the skill positions.
NM: But you gotta hop around a lot and turn the double-plays; that's kind of
a hotshot position.
CM: But you're not like Ken Caminiti or A'Rod; it isn't all flash. But you
gotta be good. Like a rhythm guitarist.
NM: Like a catcher. You never have to hit.
CM: Look at Dan Wilson.
NM: But I always feel like catchers should be able to hit. Because they can't
run.
(laughter)
NM: Because their knees are all fucked up all the time. So they should be able
to power it.
'Cause they're supposed to be like the solid...but I was a catcher...
CM: Did you play as far as college?
NM: No, that was the thing. My college did not have a team. But I played in
leagues until I was about twenty. It was like Babe Ruth leagues, but for older
guys. So I played until I was about twenty, and then the team that I could
play on...it just got to the point where that's when I started being into bands
more, and I didn't have time...I wasn't moving home, like for Summer; and so
there was no team I could play on. I was going to school in Olympia, and my
parents lived on Bainbridge, so I wasn't going home where there was the team,
but the team also stopped...'cause it was like, my high school team stuck together
and continued through pretty much until the team was all about twenty.
CM: Man! That's fucking cool.
NM: Yeah, it was great! There were guys on that team that I had ended up playing
with for years, but...
CM: Wow.
NM: So I played all four years of high school, and I played in middle school.
There was no baseball team, but I played in leagues, and stuff like that. Then,
in the Babe Ruth...when I was in middle school and stuff, there was only one
Bainbridge team, so I ended up not being on a Bainbridge team. I ended up on
a...there's, across the water was another county, so I played on this one team
there. All those kids went to North Kitsap High School; and I played on their
baseball team in the Summer, and then during high school I played on the Bainbridge
team. So I played two seasons a year. The best part about that was, in high
school, North Kitsap was the rival team. So because we all knew each other
from Babe Ruth league, so during high school, when I came over from Bainbridge
to play the North Kitsap team, all the pitchers would be the guys that I would
get batting practice pitching from all Summer...so, y'know, they couldn't trick
me. I knew all the guys, so I could just go up there and cream the shit outta
those guys.
CM: So based on that, how did you not get scouted? 'Cause those scouts are
all over even the smallest...
NM: It just got to the point where I was going to go play in Bellingham for
the Mariners' super minor league team [the now-defunct single-A Bellingham
Mariners], and I just couldn't dedicate my life to baseball. So that was the
thing, I went to school instead of continue with baseball. And now I'm doing
this.
CM: Drinking Coronas in a cheesy bar in Vegas--
NM: But I always have dreams about baseball all the time. I've gotta go back,
and my coach, like, isn't home, and I'm like "well, I've gotta go up to the
field". And there's a game going on, and my coach is like "oh, thank god...we
had an injury, we need you to play..."
(laughter)
And you know, I don't have a uniform...and I go out there, and I'm trying to
run...and I'm running really slow...I can't throw anymore, and I can't hit
well enough. That's my reoccurring nightmare; not being able to play baseball
anymore.
CM: And you're striking out looking at twenty mile-an-hour strikes--
NM: It bums me out, I'm really out of practice. I went to a batting cage and
put it on...there's like, slow, medium, fast and pro. I put it on fast; I figure
hey, it's been a while. I figure it's probably around the level I finished
up at. But it's like, my god I was getting smoked. When I put it on medium
I could hit great. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't been up against a pitcher
in so long that when the pitching machine was throwing it...and back then,
we used pitching machines all the time...it wasn't a foreign concept to me.
But I could not even believe...it was like "thooomp-thoomp!" (sound of ball
being pitched and immediately hitting the backstop) I'm trying to swing and
I'm WAY behind. But I was trying to remember, I can't believe that at one point
I was able to hit things that fast; but also that I was able to decide if it
was a strike or a ball, and then swing...and hit. I can't even believe it.
CM: Not to mention being able to direct the ball...like hitting inside out
and whatnot.
NM: Yeah, like trying to go the other way...going to right field, sacrifice
fly, whatever. I can not even believe it. I wanna start going to batting cages
more often.
CM: And you know as you get older it's just going to get harder--
NM: --And I blew my knee out. I wanted to start playing in leagues again, but
now I tour all the time, so I can't really be on a team. I don't wanna play
pick-up games, because I hate...playing people who can't play.
CM: And they're always the worst people too. Weirdo asshole ad sales hacks
or ex-jock junkie bums who just talk.
NM: I really like a good competition, where the level of play is good. And
you can trust people to do something.
CM: Like how to hit the cut-off man.
NM: Yeah, yeah...turn the double play, or...bunt, or anything.
(two young Bostonian girls walk up to us and say hello...)
CM: (to Bostonian girls) So what do you think of Bill Buckner, being from Boston?
BB: Bill Buckner?
CM: You know, 1986...Red Sox?
BB: Who? NM: First Baseman of the Boston Red Sox?
BB: Man, I'm the wrong person to ask. They have a losing streak, I've heard
about that. Every game they have is--"This time we're gonna win!"
CM: Aww, how sad.
BB: Alls I know really is...Nomar. They're cool, but I'm from New Jersey, so
I was always into the Mets--
NM: Ayy-yi-yi, they were playing the Mets in '86! That's the problem!
(laughs all around)
BB: Is that who got beat in the 1986 World Series?
NM: That's the thing, they were going to win, and Buckner let it go through
his legs.
(much chatting and laughing, girls leave and Nate relates the following tale)
That's what I like to refer to as the "Fenway Park Incident". We were playing
in Boston. And we were playing with Nashville Pussy; it was out last show of
the tour with them, so after we finished playing--the club was right across
the street from Fenway Park. Mama Kin's was right down the street. So the bar
closed, and they gave us a fifth of whiskey and two cases of beer, and we were
out in the van, kinda in the street. It's kind of a weird neighborhhood, so
there's nobody living there or anything. So we're just in the street drinking
until like, four in the morning. Then I'm like "Gabe, c'mon, let's break into
Fenway Park. I'm gonna slide into home, so I can tell my mom that I slid into
home at Fenway Park." So we walk all the way around the field, and there's
no way for us to get in, so we have to climb in over the wall.
CM: Wait, not thee wall?
NM: Not thee wall. Well actually, I couldn't tell from the outside. Plus, it's
all brick, and there's this garage door-type thing. It had a ledge, and then
above the ledge was a thing and there's a pipe. And I was convinced that I
could climb up. And remember, I was really wasted drunk. So I had Gabe boost
me up. I pull myself up onto this little ledge on top of this garage door.
So it's like big enough for a semi-truck to drive into, so I'm that high up
in the air. And the ledge, as I get up there, turns out to be only about two
inches deep. So I'm kind of up against the wall, and I'm climbing all the way
up there, and I'm trying to reach up to a window sill, so then if I climb up
over the window and I'll be into the park. So Gabe boosts me up there, I get
up there and I reach up there to grab onto the window sill and I just fall
down off the thing. On the way down I manage to kick Gabe in the face and in
the balls...
CM: Wait, how is that possible?
(much laughter)
NM: I don't know! But I knock him across the sidewalk and then I landed on
my elbow. Actually the scar is pretty much gone now, but I had a gash on my
arm that was about three inches long and half and inch wide, and just, blood...everywhere.
CM: Brutal. And you didn't get to bust into Fenway.
NM: I didn't make it. I wanted to bust in and slide into home so bad. I was
really convinced I could make it.
CM: Did you go to the hospital?
NM: I didn't go to the hospital. Instead I passed out in the back seat of our
van. Which had vinyl seats, and I woke up in the morning not remembering that
I had hurt myself, but the scab had glued itself to the seats. So I woke up
and ripped it off, and just went "AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" I screamed really bad and
my hip didn't work anymore. So that's my Fenway Park incident.
CM: Yeah, the hip will be stiff for a while.
NM: Oh hey, did I ever tell you my Bill Buckner joke?
CM: Nahh, what's that?
NM: ...I just realized that telling you it's a joke kinda ruins the joke...
CM: I know what you mean. Ah, go ahead anyway.
NM: Yeah, I'm sorry...but if you type this--
CM: You've really ruined the joke now.
NM: Yeah...if you type this out, just forget the whole prelude to this.
CM: Deal.
NM: Okay, so after...
CM: --These two Billy Buckners are walking down the street, and--
NM: So, after the series he was really upset; they showed him in the dugout
crying and everything. So obviously, it was pretty terrible.
CM: Plus, he knew he was gonna get traded to the Royals now.
NM: At least it wasn't the Diamondbacks. But he was obviously, totally upset.
He lost the game for his team, couldn't deal with it at all. So he's sobbing,
bummed out, crying his eyes out, decides to go out in the street, he's gonna
go jump in front of a bus. Jumps out in the street...the bus goes in between
his legs.
(laughter)
CM: Yeah, that's not really a very good joke.
NM: I totally blew the whole delivery of it.
CM: Now if the bus had gone between his legs, and then he'd fallen and kicked
Zimmer in the face and in the balls...
(immediately we hail down a guy that looks a lot like Larry from Genetic Disorder)
NM: Here we go, take two.
CM: Hey this guy's got this really good story about Bill Buckner. Remember
him, '86 World Series?
(LGD): Boston Red Sox! Fuck shit up, dude! He messed it up so bad!
NM: Yeah, I totally lost my mind. Well so did he. He was totally ficking bummed
out after this whole deal, right. So he goes outside all distraught. He's out
on the street and everyone's heckling him. So he gets out on the street and
he decides to kill himself.
(LGD): Really?
NM: Didn't you hear about this? So Buckner jumps in front of a bus. He's like
"I can't take this anymore!" So he jumps in front of a bus...the bus drives
straight through his legs.
(LGD): Through his legs?
NM:...Like a tunnel.
(dead silence)
NM: It didn't go well again.